Hard Night
Posted on 2008-Jun-16 at 04:44
Last night.
Post-mortem on the girls' exam papers which they've started to receive from last week. It was Maths.
I was actually o-k when Ayisha scored 48% and Aliya at 58%. I bit my lips, actually. I was devastated. I was shattered. But I know they did their best.
Ran into a neighbour at the pasar tani in the morning and she rightfully pointed out that her son who's Ayisha's age did actually better this exam than the last test. I lamented that my girls did badly compared to the last test. She then comforted me that even her son's tuition teacher was saying that the questions were really tough. They actually were harder than most schools'. THAT, I did not know. It made me fell better, actually.
So, last night, we sat down and we went through the questions.
Aliya on my left, Ayisha on my right.
Aliya has done corrections in her paper. Ayisha hasn't. Today she said the teacher asked her to bring the paper in.
I closed the answer part to a question and asked both girls to solve 'em.
No. No. No.
Read Aliya, read the question. What is it asking you to do?
Ayisha, if you're not sure, start from 1 x 3=3 until you get to 21.
Aliya! I just told that 1 hour=60 minutes and 1 minute=60 seconds, so what's 3 hours in seconds ?
Ayisha! Why is 26-8=17?
Adani! Why la did you tip the pencil sharpener shavings all over the carpet? *distraction*
It was going all wrong that point onwards.
I started to go red in the face and then I slapped their hands.
Both obviously cried but couldn't run away until I excused them, That much they know. MrGart stayed away, helpfully.
I was really really very upset. More to Aliya than to Ayisha, actually. At least I know Ayisha genuinely is confused. Aliya is just not thinking hard enough. What made me go completely ballistic is the fact that Aliya has done her corrections in the SAME paper. She wrote the corrections herself and when I asked her to repeat the question, she still got it wrong.
This was a perfect example of how NOT to parent well. I yelled. I snapped. I hit them. I yelled again. I even threatened them.
I am ashamed of myself. Deeply. Even after, I've vowed not to do this, I still did it.
This morning, I said to Aliya that I was sorry for yelling at her, but she needs to work harder at her school work. Aliya, I think will think about this for a long time. Ayisha meanwhile, was all smiles today even when I talked to her.
I dunno. I'm almost desperate. I know it's just Math paper. 10 years from now, it wouldn't matter anyway. But I so want them to succeed, it hurts. The world is so cruel these days. The fittest survive and the weakest grapple to just stay afloat. I want them to be able to survive, I want them to make something of themselves.
People say parents like to turn their kids into themselves, or whatever they didn't have before. I'm not even thinking about that.
It's disheartening when I listen to friends whose kids scored 98 and fussed about getting the last 2 marks from the teacher. It's just crazy to think that kids that age could score 100 upon 100 upon 100. It's even crazier to think that these kids average around 98% or 95% or worse 99.8%. But they're real. And I want mine to close the gap. I want mine to have something they would hang on to and make something of themselves.
But then again. I know for a fact, what's wrong with me. It's all about me, me and me.
Sigh! Who says older kids are easier? Whoever says parenting gets easier at any point?
Post-mortem on the girls' exam papers which they've started to receive from last week. It was Maths.
I was actually o-k when Ayisha scored 48% and Aliya at 58%. I bit my lips, actually. I was devastated. I was shattered. But I know they did their best.
Ran into a neighbour at the pasar tani in the morning and she rightfully pointed out that her son who's Ayisha's age did actually better this exam than the last test. I lamented that my girls did badly compared to the last test. She then comforted me that even her son's tuition teacher was saying that the questions were really tough. They actually were harder than most schools'. THAT, I did not know. It made me fell better, actually.
So, last night, we sat down and we went through the questions.
Aliya on my left, Ayisha on my right.
Aliya has done corrections in her paper. Ayisha hasn't. Today she said the teacher asked her to bring the paper in.
I closed the answer part to a question and asked both girls to solve 'em.
No. No. No.
Read Aliya, read the question. What is it asking you to do?
Ayisha, if you're not sure, start from 1 x 3=3 until you get to 21.
Aliya! I just told that 1 hour=60 minutes and 1 minute=60 seconds, so what's 3 hours in seconds ?
Ayisha! Why is 26-8=17?
Adani! Why la did you tip the pencil sharpener shavings all over the carpet? *distraction*
It was going all wrong that point onwards.
I started to go red in the face and then I slapped their hands.
Both obviously cried but couldn't run away until I excused them, That much they know. MrGart stayed away, helpfully.
I was really really very upset. More to Aliya than to Ayisha, actually. At least I know Ayisha genuinely is confused. Aliya is just not thinking hard enough. What made me go completely ballistic is the fact that Aliya has done her corrections in the SAME paper. She wrote the corrections herself and when I asked her to repeat the question, she still got it wrong.
This was a perfect example of how NOT to parent well. I yelled. I snapped. I hit them. I yelled again. I even threatened them.
I am ashamed of myself. Deeply. Even after, I've vowed not to do this, I still did it.
This morning, I said to Aliya that I was sorry for yelling at her, but she needs to work harder at her school work. Aliya, I think will think about this for a long time. Ayisha meanwhile, was all smiles today even when I talked to her.
I dunno. I'm almost desperate. I know it's just Math paper. 10 years from now, it wouldn't matter anyway. But I so want them to succeed, it hurts. The world is so cruel these days. The fittest survive and the weakest grapple to just stay afloat. I want them to be able to survive, I want them to make something of themselves.
People say parents like to turn their kids into themselves, or whatever they didn't have before. I'm not even thinking about that.
It's disheartening when I listen to friends whose kids scored 98 and fussed about getting the last 2 marks from the teacher. It's just crazy to think that kids that age could score 100 upon 100 upon 100. It's even crazier to think that these kids average around 98% or 95% or worse 99.8%. But they're real. And I want mine to close the gap. I want mine to have something they would hang on to and make something of themselves.
But then again. I know for a fact, what's wrong with me. It's all about me, me and me.
Sigh! Who says older kids are easier? Whoever says parenting gets easier at any point?
15 comments :: post a comment ::
link
